I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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