Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
