i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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