i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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