i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i drank out of a bidet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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