better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont even know how to be here
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
