Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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