Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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