I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
