So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
