...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my being single is dangerous.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
