I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
