Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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