dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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