Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
