It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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