We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize