Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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