your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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