He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize