If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
