Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
