my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize