My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
