i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
