sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
