just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
