Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
