They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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