My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
