WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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