my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
