Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have fence marks all over my body
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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