And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize