His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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