Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
