I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
