you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
