I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
3pm strippers are depressing
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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