I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hippo gnu deer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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