I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
