At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
