so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
