9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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