Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
