That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
