Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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