I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
