I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
