i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
