He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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