im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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