I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize