Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
