I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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