You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
