there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
