suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
