new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
