Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
