I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize