Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
