someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I touched a dick in church today
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
