Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
