Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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