you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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