Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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