Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
