Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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