I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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