Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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