Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
