Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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