remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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