you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
