do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
