i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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