It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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