RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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