guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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