so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
