I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
