Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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