we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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