my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize