So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize