Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
