Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
