I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
