I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize