ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
