Yo dont text me then not text me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize