wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
