I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
