well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
