drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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