yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
