I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
