he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
