Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
