All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
