Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
