porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize