I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
