I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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