I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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