Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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