Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
