Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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