We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
