hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize