i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
