I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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