my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
