I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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