I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
