How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
