I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
